Friday, April 22, 2011
I am at the end of a long day attempting to paint my downstairs powder room. Sad thing is, I haven't even opened my quart-sized can of sleek silvery gray paint.
I woke up early, determined to get this job done right. I knew I had to strip the 80s wallpaper first, but hey, that's no biggie, right? I peeled the taupe fan-patterned decorative surface from all four walls. Got the DIF and sprayed it on. Waited 20 minutes. Put hot water on a towel and got to work scrubbing, scraping, and picking off bits of sticky wallpaper backing that held onto that wall like a sunburn to your skin.
I was determined. Focused. Persistent. Ahead of schedule. Singing my lungs out to a new country music mix I made on my iPod.
Little did I know that underneath the first layer of 80s wallpaper was - SURPRISE! - a coat of teal paint. This paint was effectively sealing in a second layer of 80s floral wallpaper, which had been glued directly onto the drywall. I was going to leave it and just paint over it. But I guess the DIF had DIFferent plans. The teal painted paper started peeling off, too.
I excitedly ripped off a large patch of the peeling teal-painted paper and was completely shocked - because I saw not a smooth white surface, but peely, brown, cardboard-like dry wall.
I'm no expert, but I knew I couldn't paint on that.
So I called my handyman Aaron. Said I'd need to re-sheetrock or just buy new wallpaper. Called Home Depot. They said I probably needed to keep peeling - that the brown was most likely another layer of wallpaper. (It isn't). Called my friend Bonnie. She said to patch up the brown spots with a few layers of spackle, sand it smooth, and then prime and paint everything.
I went with Bonnie's suggestion.
But sadly, I am out of spackle.
And my car is in the shop, so I can't go to Home Depot for more.
So, here I sit, with wallpaper glue permanently under my fingernails, bits of teal paper floating in my hair, and a bathroom that looks like the unibomber got pissed off inside a Sherwin Williams.
I am currently considering the following options:
1) Shutting the door to the powder room and never going back in. Denial sounds nice right now. And cheap.
2) Moving (marvelous idea, Chris Schmidt). Sadly I bet I'd have to figure this out before anyone would buy the place.
3) Leaving the teal painted floral wallpaper/sheetrock blend and saying I'm going for a modern, avant-garde look.
4) Caving in and buying NEW wallpaper to just go over this entire mess.
And...my current favorite:
5) Creating a tearful video plea to Holmes on Homes to come help me out. I've always had a crush on him, and I bet he'd give me a great deal since I'm a teacher and all. Too bad I left my Flip camera at school...I'd get to work on this right away.
Now I know:
I would punch the guy that invented wallpaper right in the face.
I would kiss the guy that invented spackle right on the lips.