Friday, December 2, 2016

What I REALLY Want for Christmas

I'm not sure if y'all know this about me, but I have green eyes. 

And sometimes, to my shame and chagrin, the green-eyed monster of jealousy, comparison, and discontentment rages in my soul like the Hulk. Except maybe not so muscular. More like a small but loud, hideous shrieking shrew... Like that old hag from the Princess Bride that yells at Buttercup in her nightmare and calls her "the Queen of slime... The queen of filth...the queen of putrescence! Boo! Boo! Boo! Booooo!"

Yes, my Boo banshee curses all I have and makes it not enough. 

It whispers that our townhouse is small and dumpy and outdated and I've lived here for 7 years and that its WAY past time for us to move up to something bigger and better -with a nice green yard and granite countertops and spacious, well-organized closets. 

It says that my wardrobe is frumpy and tattered and lame and that I need to find some stylish and trendy outfits and accessories. Like Frye booties. I just NEED some Frye booties. And that my body is fat and wide and hideous and that I need to work out more for goodness sake so I can fit back into my tattered old rags that I call my clothes and that even if I can't fit into my jeans... The Frye booties would fit. 

It yells that our IKEA furniture isn't good quality and that our hand me down end tables don't match and that we really need to look into how much it would cost to redo the bathrooms because the tiles are coming up off the floor and the 80s brass faucet is corroded and clashes with the silver knobs on the vanity cabinets ...and is it really too much to ask to just move to Waco so Chip and Jojo can just fix up the worst house in the best neighborhood for us?

It screeches that I shouldn't have to work, that I deserve to stay home and take care of a bigger and better house with a green yard and granite countertops and no 80s brass faucets and a playroom full of adorable kids in trendy stylish clothes, which we have plenty of room to store, of course, in spacious, well-organized closets. 

And the more I listen, the louder she gets.  

All of a sudden my thoughts are consumed with what I don't have. 

Before I know it, my joy is lost. 

Ann Voskamp says that "gratitude turns what we have into enough."

And I realize, for the millionth time, that to silence my green-eyed Boo banshee, all I have to do is open my eyes. 

Open my eyes to the face of my healthy happy gummy grinning baby boy who lights up my days. 

Open my eyes to my loving and thoughtful husband who manages our finances and makes tithing and saving our top priorities and at the same time says "of course" when I ask him to take me to eat at Bonefish so I can get some $13 crab cakes. 

Open my eyes to my incredible job teaching the sweetest kiddos at the best school with the most supportive team. A job with days that start and end with 23 hugs, funny stories, and lightbulb moments. 

Open my eyes to the fact that my amazing momma is watching my boy when I go back to school, driving from Asheville every school day so that I don't have to put little bud in day care. 

Open my eyes to the reality of my loving family and friends- people that pour into me and pray for me and take care of me even when I'm at my most unlovable. 

Open my eyes to the love of God the Father, a creator so generous that His light and love spill out and touch all I can see... A Father that saw fit to send me (whiny, complainy, ungrateful, jealous ME!) His one and only son that I might spend eternity with Him in paradise. 

Kinda puts the 80s brass faucets in perspective. 

My eyes are open and I know just what I want for Christmas: a spirit of gratitude for all of my days, one that is slow to compare and quick to count the gifts in my life. 

Buh bye for now, Boo banshee.